“Evil-Stock-Dude”

“Evil-Stock-Dude”

n. The imaginary person responsible for any un-attributable mistakes or bone-headed errors. A mythical scapegoat.

NOTE: Traditionally, NIGHT CREW blames DAY CREW, and vice versa, for anything they find wrong.

Blaming someone else is human nature, and a tradition that goes way, way back (read the first book in the Bible, Genesis, Chapter 3). Thus, I propose this fantasy to fulfill that particular need.

Spot a problem? Blame Evil-Stock-Dude. Then, just fix it yourself, and move on.

Expiration Date

Expiration Date

n. An ordinary date stamped or printed on an ITEM by the manufacturer. It sets a manufacturer-determined time limit on how long the PRODUCT is considered “good.” See EXPIRED, OUT-OF-DATE.

NOTE: Whenever a CUSTOMER brings you an OUT-OF-DATE ITEM, immediately apologize on behalf of the STORE, say “Thanks for your help,” and then alert the GROCERY MANAGER to the situation. Baring other instructions, remove the O.O.D. STOCK from the SHELF and take it to the RECEIVER'S RACK before going back to your previous task.

TRUE STORY: One little old lady simply would not believe that the date of manufacture stamped on every can of charcoal lighter fluid on the SHELF wasn't its Expiration Date. Of course, it wasn't. “But, Ma'am, honestly—lighter fluid doesn't ever go bad.” Well, there was just no convincing her.